Ask the experts: Should I have an affair?

As we say goodbye to 2021 and welcome in 2022, it’s a good time to catch up on the very best of the Herald columnists we enjoyed reading over the last 12 months. From politics to sport, from business to entertainment and lifestyle, these are the voices and views our audience loved the most. Today it’s some of the top advice columns from psychologists and family therapists Verity and Nic.

Tips for navigating an affair – November 15

I’ve recently reconnected with a childhood friend, and the flirting is intense. We’re both married, but plan to catch up over the summer break (Covid willing) and I just know we’ll have sex. I’m not seeking permission, this is something I want, but I also don’t want to hurt my partner. Do you have any tips for navigating an affair? – Sam

See what advice Verity and Nic have for Sam here.

Help – my husband and I haven't had sex in 12 years – September 20

I’ve been with my husband for 17 years and married for 8 years. I love him and am still very attracted to him. I’m 47 and he is 59. The issue is we have not had sex since December 2009, and despite couples counselling, hormone treatments (for both of us), sex therapist counselling (together and separately) nothing has changed. It’s gone on for so long I truly believe it’s beyond being a physical issue and is now psychological for him. He says he still desires me and, yes, companionship /friendship is important. However, I can’t believe I will never experience sex with him again, although it’s looking increasingly likely. My younger friends counsel me to leave and the older ones say stay. I’m in deep despair about this (as is my husband) and have left him once, only to return. Please help, I really don’t know what else to do. – Melissa

See what advice Verity and Nic have for Melissa here.

How to approach dating and virginity in your 30s – September 6

I’m in my mid-30s and have focused heavily on obtaining a professional career for the past 15+ years. I now have my dream job and am L O N E L Y. Lockdown has really highlighted that. I am fit, intelligent, well-liked but have very little romantic relationship experience and have not had sex with a partner (solo options well explored!). I’m embarrassed to acknowledge that to anyone, and it puts me off dating. How unusual is my situation and how can I move forward? – Kim

See what advice Verity and Nic have for Kim here.

I'm no longer attracted to my partner. What should I do? – October 18

I’ve been in a relationship for two years. The problem I have is that I am not sexually aroused or attracted to my partner. I love her, we are committed, and she has a high sex drive. We are able to be intimate, but I just don’t like it or find her attractive. This would break her heart into a million pieces, so do I just keep going and say nothing? Leaving her would shatter her too.She tells me this all the time, plus her daughter has abandonment issues so again, I feel trapped. – Sam

See what advice Verity and Nic have for Sam here.


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