The Bachelorette Recap: “You're Completely Classless, Clare!”

We were wrong, you guys.

Following last Tuesday’s episode of The Bachelorette, we said it was the most awkward two hours of television in history.

It didn’t take long, however, for the latest installment of this beloved franchise to surpass the previous one is total and complete discomfort.

We opened at the cocktail party prior to the second scheduled rose ceremony.

And with Yosef immediately expressing his problems with the most controversial Dodgeball game of all-time.

“I expected a lot more from the oldest Bachelorette that’s ever been,” he told Clare, beating around nary a bush.

“And I can’t believe that that actually occurred. That’s not the type of example I want to set for my daughter. You’re not setting the right example for my daughter.”

Yosef’s attack actually got even more personal from there:

“I’m ashamed to be associated with you. I can’t believe I sacrificed so much to be here, just to watch this distasteful and classless display. 

“I’m serious. Like, so appalled. Going back to our first date, I feel like you really overreacted and it sounded a little crazy.”

Well… okay then, huh?!? This turned ugly rather quickly.

After letting Yosef to speak for what Clare said had been 20 minutes, she WENT OFF.

“Do not ever talk to me like that,” she said.

“I never thought I’d ever have to tell any man that I would never want them being the father of my child and I stand by that. I would never want my children having a father like you.

“Get out of here.”

After getting the boot, Yosef uttered the line that the show has been teasing in promos since the beginning.

“[I] believe that you’re not fit to be a mother to my child,” he screamed.

“You’re completely classless, Clare. Classless. I expected way more from the oldest Bachelorette in history. Remember, you’re almost 40!”

With that, Yoself left — but not before Crawley got in a few more shots.

“I didn’t even do anything to that man,” she said.

“Sick, sick. To sit there and say, ‘You’re the oldest Bachelorette!’

“Guess what? I’m the oldest Bachelorette that’s standing here that’s single because I didn’t settle for men like that.”

Thankfully, Dale Moss swooped in to comfort his alleged soulmate.

“Dale is everything that I’m looking for,” she said after he told her to just “focus on what matters and who matters,” adding of the ex-NFL player:

“Everything that I want, that I can’t put words with. Things you can’t explain. He shows up. He has it. He’s that way.

“I can’t believe it’s not even the second rose ceremony yet and I’m so falling in love with Dale.”

Welp. There you have it: the first admission of what we’ve read about for so long via all those The Bachelorette spoilers.

At last calm, Clare said she wanted to skip the rest of the cocktail party and head right into the rose ceremony.

Dale, naturally, received the first rose, while 18 men total moved forward, with Blake Monar, Garin, and Tyler S. heading home.

It was then off to a group date that featured Jason, Jay, Eazy, Chasen, Blake, Ed, Riley and, yes, Dale.

“This might be the shortest season ever,” Clare told former Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas prior to the get-together, gushing over and over again about Moss.

Clare proceeded to turn the daytime date into an evening cocktail party… at which Dale announced he’d like to grab her first for five minutes.

“Why are you so perfect?” Crawley asked Moss during their time together, which included some serious spit-swapping and a lot of irritated other contestants.

When the rest of the men spoke with Dale about monopolizing The Bachelorette, he asserted that he was the “best man suited … just to be there for” Clare, a phrase that would be used against him frequently later on.

On her solo date with Zach J., which centered on a spa day, and Clare CONTINUED to muse over Dale.

“I’m just respecting the process,” she admitted.

At one point, Clare and Zach J., Clare tried to open up her mind, leaning in to kiss Zach.

However, she claimed he pulled away… and things took a turn for the extremely painful.

After Zach reached for her and attempted to try again, she denied the advance.

“I don’t know what just happened,” Zach told the cameras. “It’s a huge mixup. Huge. I mean, I was trying to kiss her.”

In a confessional, Clare actually compared this to some past abuse she had suffered, telling the camera:

“And the second I just try to walk away, he grabs me. That kind of triggers me and kind of scared me. I didn’t want to be near him in that moment.”

She then stood Zach up for their subsequent dinner and Chris Harrison had to tell him he was going home.

WTF?!?

On her second group date of the episode, Clare was included as an audience member foor a roast — which mostly meant the contestant could just rail against Dale.

“Since you’ve said you’re the best suited for Clare, do me a favor and at least swing by my chateau for a little lesson in fashion before the big day, you big diva,” Bennett said, for example.

Crawley was unfazed, though.

“So what I have feelings for dale?” she told the cameras. “We have a connection. That’s the truth. I’m not trying to hide anything. Hate on.”

That was made clear when Clare interrogated the suitors about why they went after Dale.

“It literally feels like right now, she’s only interested in Dale in this whole house,” Kenny said.

“Like, to the point where I feel like I’m wasting my time being here. It’s almost like they’re already dating and we’re all just f—ing around here.”

Clare decided after the Dale-centric day, she didn’t think any of the other men deserved the second group date rose.

For real!

“I did not get what I needed with you guys, so right now, I feel like this rose, I won’t be able to give this out tonight,” she actually told the men.

We all know where this is headed, don’t we?

“I feel confident and I feel like I am literally on the right path,” Clare told a producer. “It feels so good.”

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