Joe Lycett mocks Wayne Lineker's girlfriend search with egg-based requirements

Joe Lycett has mocked Wayne Lineker’s girlfriend requirements – and it’s as hilarious as you’d expect.

The 58-year-old made headlines after posting an advert stating what he’s looking for in a partner, including ‘no baggage’ and a love of travel, geography and free drinks. 

And Joe couldn’t resist putting his own ‘eggcellent’ spin on the situation, sharing his own list of wants from a girlfriend.

Uploading a very close-up snap of himself on Instagram, the comedian began: ‘So, my family have decided I need a girlfriend for my own sanity and health…so here’s my criteria.

‘Ok – Let’s start this off like normal: Strong nice loving personality.

‘Now to more important things: Must like omelette. Must enjoy egg omelette. Must like scrambled egg. Must like cake with egg in it. Must like egg fried rice (but not other rice). 

‘Must like Cadbury creme egg. Must like fried egg. Must like frittata made with egg. Must like those shakshukas you get in posh coffee shops (but only if made with egg). 

‘Must like scotch egg. Must like custard (if it is egg custard). Must be Alan Sugar. Must like boiled egg.’

Do you think Joe likes eggs?

The Channel 4 star’s post poked fun at Wayne’s slightly more baffling criteria for a new girlfriend.

Taking to Instagram, the Ibiza club owner insisted that his post was ‘purely tongue in cheek banter’, before delving into exactly what he is looking for in a partner.

And there is a lot to get through…

‘So, my family have decided I need a girlfriend for my own sanity and health…so here’s my criteria,’ he began. ‘Okay – Let’s start this off like I’m normal: Strong nice loving personality.’

Moving swiftly on, he insisted: ‘You must like older men but only me…You have to be a worldie and above 30 (Ok 28 29 could work) but not my age as that would just look weird. ‘You must like to travel and to fly business class and stay in incredible hotels. 

‘Be prepared to give up your career or job or at least be able to work from a laptop on a tropical beach somewhere. 

‘You will need to spend the summer in ibiza and the winter in Dubai with 2 weeks in UK for Christmas and new year with the families and holidays to the Maldives…No baggage as mine are all grown up. A dog is acceptable but will need a passport.’

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This post is purely tongue in cheek banter..🧡 So, my family have decided I need a girlfriend for my own sanity and health…so here’s my criteria 😅 Ok – Let’s start this off like I’m normal: Strong nice loving personality ✅ Now to more important things: You must like older men but only me…You have to be a worldie and above 30 (Ok 28 29 could work) but not my age as that would just look weird 🤷‍♂️ you must like to travel and to fly business class and stay in incredible hotels. Be prepared to give up your career or job or at least be able to work from a laptop on a tropical beach somewhere. You will need to spend the summer in ibiza and the winter in Dubai with 2 weeks in Uk for Christmas and new year with the families and holidays to the Maldives…No baggage as mine are all grown up. A dog is acceptable but will need a passport. You must be able to cook as I love cooking, especially Waitrose ready made meals. You also don’t need to be verified I can sort that for you.. house music and R&B lovers only. No heavy rock or pop music. You must like Netflix especially money heist and also real crime. No chick flicks watch them with your mates. You need to be confident enough to be able to go to the front of the queue in nightclubs and accept a table and free drinks from the owners. You will need a driving license to share a Bentley and a Lamborghini Jeep (pending) ..you must never have shared a teeth whitening post!! I’m not on any dating sites you shouldn’t be too. I’m Not on only fans so you shouldn’t be too . You must love the gym, health food and have body definition as I will have soon. Accept and love my children and grandchildren and realise no more kids for me.. (never say never though) you must be able to let my PA @davehodges10 book all yours and our flights and purchase items online for you. You just need to send a link to him ..You must be able to accept my friends even @tonytrumanibiza as I will accept yours … accept I have to reply to girls DMs not just guys… One last thing. Your geography needs to be on point as girls that think Lincoln is in Wales is not good. Be intelligent but not boring. Outgoing suits 😂🙈🧡#wifeywhereyouat #justbanter

A post shared by Wayne Lineker (@waynelineker) on

After stipulating he wanted someone who could cook as he loves whipping up ready made meals from Waitrose, Gary Lineker’s brother continued: ‘You also don’t need to be verified I can sort that for you.. house music and R&B lovers only. No heavy rock or pop music. 

‘You must like Netflix especially money heist and also real crime. No chick flicks watch them with your mates. You need to be confident enough to be able to go to the front of the queue in nightclubs and accept a table and free drinks from the owners. 

‘You will need a driving license to share a Bentley and a Lamborghini Jeep (pending). You must never have shared a teeth whitening post!! I’m not on any dating sites you shouldn’t be too. I’m Not on only fans so you shouldn’t be too. 

‘You must love the gym, health food and have body definition as I will have soon. Accept and love my children and grandchildren and realise no more kids for me.. (Never say never though).’

If that wasn’t a long enough list, he concluded that his potential girlfriend must be ‘intelligent’ and have great geography skills.

‘One last thing. Your geography needs to be on point as girls that think Lincoln is in Wales is not good,’ he added. ‘Be intelligent but not boring. Outgoing suits #wifeywhereyouat #justbanter.’

Followers have been confused as to whether the post – which has unsurprisingly gone viral – is actually legit.

But, amid all the confusion, a string of women have been staking their claim in the comments section, with Wayne claiming he was already messaging one.

Who needs Tinder anymore?

The club mogul was previously engaged to model Danielle Sandhu, and is father to four children.

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